A Petition to Gulls

Dear Gulls,

                    We love to see you soar
Above the sea, above the shore,
But please – stop eyeing up our chips!
We'd like for them to reach our lips
Without you fluttering and swooping,
Screeching, pecking, snatching, pooping …

Go away! Why should you steal
Our suppers for an easy meal?
Tag behind a herring fleet
Or pick some winkles. Use your feet
For swimming or to grip a cliff
Instead of scaring kids as if
You had a right to grab ice creams
Upon the wing, and haunt their dreams.

You may believe it lesser sin
To fish out litter from a bin
But when you make a sorry mess
Across the street, you'll never guess
Our cunning plans to deal with you.

One way would be – long overdue -
To bring our rubbish home with us
On bikes, in cars or on the bus
Which means you'd have a proper diet
Even if you made a fuss
Or tried to instigate a riot.

We're not daunted by you fellers.

Ever yours,
                    All Coastal Dwellers

Published in the Declaration of Arbroath Anthology